Just one step at a time

Decency. Modesty. Good and proper. So much is talked about what we wear and why we wear it. But so much is focused on us women. In the sense of what we wear. And what it does to men.

Particularly in Christian circles.

Why do we get so het up about what everyone’s wearing, what everyone’s doing, who we’re spending time with? I’ve picked up on another series of posts about women and modesty. They make my blood boil!

I like to wear skirts and tops and make the most of my figure. Whilst I’ve still got it.

But what makes my blood boil the most is that these men - and it’s predominantly men - write about how women must watch what they wear so as not to distract the men, yet fail to see that women can suffer in the same way.

Take today, for example. There’s a guy at work who normally dresses very ’sharp’ Suited, booted, clean-shaven. In fact, it’s part of his image, and he’s very conscious of his work image and how he projects himself. A little too concerned, I feel, but that’s a whole different story about what we value in life and work. But I digress…

Today his boss wasn’t in, he didn’t sleep so well and couldn’t find an ironed shirt. So he turned up in jeans, a T-shirt that was tight around his biceps (he’s VERY sporty) and a bit of stubble.

“Be still my beating heart!” “Calm down, dear!” The beast needed some taming. Oh boy, did it!

The thing is, as much as I like him and think he’s a nice guy, we chat about Doctor Who (the only fellow-fan at work, that I’ve found), he would drive me mad. And yet… today, give me a pint, and I would merrily have thrown all that aside and, well, maybe given it a try! (And ultimately humiliated myself.) Because it’s not just the guys who struggle daily with lust.

Let me leave you with a few gems from these blogs (which are part of a book). But before that, let me say, I get his point about what motivates dressing ‘immodestly’, be it to seek attention (guilty!) or to provoke the interest (aka lust) of a guy (also guilty!). But to focus solely on the women - and I believe church leaders do so because it’s only women who are mentioned in the Bible: but that was then, this is now, and a lot of what was written has context. Context that can be expanded upon.

So the final gems:

“Please know that I don’t write as a self-appointed critic. I am simply a concerned pastor who charitably assumes that most Christian women who dress immodestly are ignorant of the war with lust that men confront on a daily basis. They probably don’t have a clue what goes on in a man’s mind and what effect their bodies have on the eyes and hearts of men young and old. “

” I commend this young man’s tenacious fight for holiness. And I echo his gratitude to all women who choose to dress modestly—thank you a million times over. You’re truly serving your brothers in Christ by your obedience to God’s Word.”

“Godly men find modesty attractive. They appreciate women who dress with self-control and restraint. They’re grateful for women who serve them by helping them fight the temptation to lust.”

” ‘I had a vague idea that guys were more affected by sight than girls were. But I never realized how pervasive the temptation was. . . . Now, knowing a little bit of what guys go through every day, I have an ardent desire to serve my brothers in Christ. I want to make the church a haven for them.’ “

Oh come on, people, lighten up! Or not. Because it’s not just the guys who struggle, but who’s talking to us women about how to handle our lustful thoughts, or asking guys to be careful not to tempt us. Guys turning up to church in shorts often seems to be acceptable, but a healthy, athletic, tanned guy in a pair of shorts… What’s the difference?

God, it makes me so mad!

UPDATE

I found this at The Ongoing Adventures of ASBO Jesus.

Why does the Koran advocate beating women as a solution to family difficulties? Does it advocate this for men causing difficulties? I’m not sure. But I’d like to know.

An article in the Yemen Times titled ‘Why there must be violence against women‘: the author is protesting against human rights NGOs who say women who are beaten should complain to the police.

“This title may sound strange, but it’s actually not just a way to attract readers to the topic because I really do mean what it indicates. Violence is a broad term, especially when used regarding women. In this piece, I want to shed light on those instances where violence against women is a must.”"In some cases, violence is necessary, but there must be limits. Those “good human rights organizations” don’t make any exceptions in their solutions because their aim is to serve society. Will it be a better society once we see wives, mothers, sisters and daughters going from one police station and one court to another, complaining against their husbands, fathers, brothers and even sons?”

“If a daughter or sister makes a mistake – especially a moral one – that negatively affects the entire family and its reputation, what’s the solution by such organizations?”

Here’s a simple solution: don’t beat them! There, that wasn’t so hard, now, was it?

And yet… all in the name of religious and moral instruction.

An angel appeared and said,”Why are you spending so much time on this one?”

And the Lord answered, “Have you seen my spec sheet on her? She has to be completely washable, but not plastic, have over 200 movable parts, all replaceable and able to run on diet coke and leftovers, have a lap that can hold four children at one time, have a kiss that can cure anything from a scraped knee to a broken heart - and she will do everything with only two hands.

The angel was astounded at the requirements.”Only two hands? No way! And that’s just on the standard model? That’s too much work for one day. Wait till tomorrow to finish.”

“But I won’t,” the Lord protested.” I am so close to finishing this creation that is so close to my own heart. She already heals herself when she is sick AND can work 18 hour days.

“The angel moved closer and touched the woman.”But you have made her so soft, Lord.”

“She is soft,” the Lord agreed, “but I have also made her tough.You have no idea what she can endure or accomplish.”

“Will she be able to think?” asked the angel.

The Lord replied, “Not only will she be able to think,she will be able to reason and negotiate.”

The angel then noticed something,and reaching out, touched the woman’s cheek. “Oops, it looks like you have a leak in this model. I told you that you were trying to put too much into this one.”

“That’s not a leak”, the Lord corrected, “that’s a tear!”

“What’s the tear for?” the angel asked.

The Lord said, “The tear is her way of expressing her joy,her sorrow, her pain, her disappointment, her love,her loneliness, her grief and her pride.”

The angel was impressed.”You are a genius, Lord. You thought of everything! Woman is truly amazing.”

And she is! Women have strengths that amaze men. They bear hardships and they carry burdens, but they hold happiness, love and joy. They smile when they want to scream. They sing when they want to cry. They cry when they are happy and laugh when they are nervous.
They fight for what they believe in. They stand up to injustice. They don’t take “no” for an answer when they believe there is a better solution. They go without, so their family can have.
They go to the doctor with a frightened friend. They love unconditionally. They cry when their children excel and cheer when their friends get awards. They are happy when they hear about a birth or a wedding. Their hearts break when a friend dies. They grieve at the loss of a family member, yet they are strong when they think there is no strength left. They know that a hug and a kiss can heal a broken heart.

Women come in all shapes, sizes and colors. They’ll drive, fly, walk, run or e-mail you to show how much they care about you. The heart of a woman is what makes the world keep turning. They bring joy, hope and love. They have compassion and ideals. They give moral support to their family and friends. Women have vital things to say and everything to give.

I’ve been reading and watching a range of books, blogs and films from other parts of the world, and it’s been getting me thinking about this whole women covering up ‘thing’.

I just don’t get it? When was it decided that men are so weak and feeble that they can’t control their urges, and that it’s the woman’s fault? Why is it that women are responsible for men’s actions? Surely if you follow that thinking, that makes women far more powerful than men. And yet, women aren’t allowed to do certain things (in these societies that believe women cause men to sin). I just don’t get it.

An Iranian PhD student in Canada sexually assaulted a woman in an elevator. And blamed her: “You can’t expect all males to control themselves when the breasts are out” was his defense. Um, hello! Yes we can! In fact, we demand it! I’d like to think this says more about him than his culture, but I’m not 100% sure it’s the case. Culture has a lot to do with who we are, so there must be some influence.

A slightly more (I hope) tongue-in-cheek look at the subject, from an American perspective. I agree, to a point: we should ALL dress appropriately, men as well as women. There comes a point when we need to realise that letting it all hang out probably isn’t best for anyone (and I’ve done my years of letting it all hang out). But, just because someone chooses to do that, it’s no excuse to behave badly and take advantage (and I don’t think a man having an erection at the sight of a woman’s backside is sexual harrasment - that’s just biology. Touching - now that IS harassment!)

Though, I can see the advantages of the burqa: at least you wouldn’t have to worry about what to wear each morning!

Can I recommend At Five in the Afternoon, a very moving film about a young woman living in Kabul after the fall of the Taliban. If it doesn’t make you feel blessed to be living in a ‘Western’ country, then I don’t know what will.