Just one step at a time

So a bit more on the cryptic post of yesterday. With a little background first.

India was perhaps an opportunity to run away. Itchy feet because of friends going and working overseas. A shaky time at work. Church being painful and exhausting. Singleness and a new year. Plus, I saw an opportunity to work overseas with skills that I already have.

Every time a friend ups and disappears to Africa or Asia for months and years at a time, I wonder, should I go? I look at Christian agencies, and realise I generally can’t afford them. And am also not sure if I want to pay to go and volunteer - surely that’s not what volunteering’s about? But anyway. So I usually end up looking at VSO. And getting depressed because I have no skills they want. I’m not a teacher or a doctor or a nurse or a dietician or… Or anything they want. In fact, when I had my interview with Oasis, I struggled to come up with anything other than I could do the admin and I like kids.

Aside from that, I find myself wondering what kind of career I could have that, should I ever get to that stage in my life where kids happen and I want to work part time, would work around family. And that is a little more grown up than being an administrator. Though I do a bit more than the average office administrator, I’m a little bit stuck - Jo of all trades, master of none.

A few months ago I was seeing in the news articles about a shortage of midwives, and wondered to myself if maybe I should look at re-training. Then decided I wouldn’t.

TEFL has been another option - train to teach English to non-native English speakers, either here or overseas. Loads of opportunities.

So Saturday night I was out with a group of friends, one of which has taught TEFL in Prague. And I, off the cuff said, ‘Maybe I should learn to teach TEFL’. And thought nothing more of it.

Whilst on the train on the way back to my friends’ house where I was staying the night, she said to me something along the lines of this:

“When you said you thought you should learn TEFL, I wondered if maybe you should become a midwife.”

That’s weird, I thought. Nobody had been talking about kids, giving birth or midwives at all during the meal. So I said: “That’s weird, I’d thought about that a few months ago.”

She then went on to explain that she had a friend who had trained with the idea being to work overseas, not here in the UK.

I just think that’s a little bit weird, so I’ve asked her to get in touch and see if I could meet or even shadow on of her midwife friends to find out a bit more about it. And I’ve just finished printing out the careers leaflet.

This is another door. It doesn’t mean that India is out of the picture. But it could mean that. Certainly in the short-term it would. Training is a 3 or 4-year degree. And would cost a bomb! But as with all of these things, if God wants it to happen, He will make a way. And if not, He will close the door.

So I’m pushing at another door.

Update on my India page.

An update on my India page.

Although I’ve never finished The Purpose Driven Life, I get the daily devotional emails. Yesterday’s was this:

Is Your Faith In Your Fear?
by Jon Walker “But Jesus immediately said to them: “Take courage! It is I. Don’t be afraid.” (Matthew 14:27, NIV)

Across the breadth of the Bible, God consistently sends the message, “Do not be afraid, for I am with you.”

The Bible reveals that God knows we tend toward fear, particularly as we respond to uncertainty and change. Yet the Bible also reveals that God is the only unchanging certainty in this world – or out of it.

Yet, is it possible we have more faith in our fear than we do in God?

No matter how complex life becomes, it still comes down to this basic choice: Will we place our confidence in the All-Powerful Supreme Being and Sole Authority of the Universe, or will we place greater confidence in our fears?

Although the choice is black-or-white basic, God knows it’s not simple. It involves a challenging stretch, and that’s why God continually reminds us, “Fear not, for I am with you

God is clear that our abilities, our resources – even a belief in the myth of luck – will not be what strengthens us for the journey. (Philippians 4:13) We fear we can’t do the things God calls us to do, and we fear that God will not protect us or provide for us. We choose this fear, embracing the unholy lie that our circumstances are bigger than the One True God.

Our faith in God gets placed on the altar of our own perceptions when we should be placing our perceptions on the altar of unflinching faith.

If you’re like me, you often fear what’s behind the curtain of God’s call, and God – frustratingly – won’t let me peek behind the curtain, and so:

Our fear shouts – “Pay no attention to the God behind the curtain; he’s just another wizard from Oz, using smoke and mirrors to give you the illusion of power and grace.”
Our God whispers – In that still, small voice, he calls us to develop confidence in him; he calls us to abandon the confidence we have in what we see and the confidence we have in our fears. God keeps the curtain of our future drawn so we will learn to live by faith and not by sight, so we will become certain of what we hope for and become sure of God, even when we cannot see how he’s working in our current circumstances. (Hebrews 11:1)

What does this mean?

• Ask God to replace your fear with faith – Eliminating your fear involves more than working up your courage. This is a spiritual battle that requires you to develop faith. But first you need to make a choice – Will you fear, or will you “faith?” Faith means you believe the truth – Your behavior and decisions are most often rooted in what you believe. When you experience fear, ask yourself, “What does this fear say about what I believe in this circumstance?” What fears are you experiencing today? What do they say about the beliefs you currently embrace? Ask God to pull these false beliefs and fears out by the root.
• Get caught in an act of faith – One day, a woman who had hemorrhaged for 12 years slipped up behind Jesus and touched his robe, believing he could heal her. “Jesus turned –caught her at it. Then he reassured her: ‘Courage, daughter. You took a risk of faith, and now you’re well.’” (Matthew 9:22, MSG) God is for you, and he encourages you to be caught in the act of faith. When you act in faith, you proclaim your belief in God; you acknowledge he exists and that God cares about you.
• Let a friend tell you about your fears — Ask a friend if he or she sees a part of your life where you show more fear than faith – and then, together, pray for God to help your unbelief. (Mark 9:24)

I wondered what this meant. I’ve been thinking a lot about fear since 2008 started. Because I’ve been pushing at those doors.

One of the doors I’m pushing at is to go back to India, towards the end of this year, for 6 - 12 months. And that is terrifying! Terrifying that if I actually put myself out there, push those doors, God might actually let one of them open. That I might actually be doing this thing I feel He is asking me to, at least, explore.

And 2-3 hours after this email arrived, there came one from the guy I know in Hyderabad, who arranged the conferences we spoke at in 2006. He’d heard of a doctor working in Mumbai with people who have HIV/AIDS and also with people who’ve been trafficked. Which is the area I am interested in volunteering my time and my skills in.

And then I knew why that email arrived that morning.