Just one step at a time

Check out the Birthday Calendar for some interesting - and not so interesting - facts and trivia about yourself.

Your date of conception was on or about 23 August 1976 which was a Monday.

You were born on a Monday under the astrological sign Taurus.
Your Life path number is 9.

Your fortune cookie reads:
When you speak honestly and openly, others truly listen to you.

Life Path Compatibility:
You are most compatible with those with the Life Path numbers 3, 6 & 9.
You should get along well with those with the Life Path numbers 1 & 5.
You may or may not get along well with those with the Life Path numbers 2, 7 & 11.
You are least compatible with those with the Life Path numbers 4, 8 & 22.

The Julian calendar date of your birth is 2443279.5.
The golden number for 1977 is 2.
The epact number for 1977 is 10.
The year 1977 was not a leap year.

Your birthday falls into the Chinese year beginning 2/18/1977 and ending 2/6/1978.
You were born in the Chinese year of the Snake.

Your Native American Zodiac sign is Beaver; your plant is Wild Clover.

You were born in the Egyptian month of Epipy, the third month of the season of Shomu (Harvest).

Your date of birth on the Hebrew calendar is 28 Iyyar 5737.
Or if you were born after sundown then the date is 29 Iyyar 5737.

The Mayan Calendar long count date of your birthday is 12.18.3.15.15 which is
12 baktun 18 katun 3 tun 15 uinal 15 kin

The Hijra (Islamic Calendar) date of your birth is Monday, 27 Jumadiyu’l-Avval 1397 (1397-5-27).

The date of Easter on your birth year was Sunday, 10 April 1977.
The date of Orthodox Easter on your birth year was Sunday, 10 April 1977.
The date of Ash Wednesday (the first day of Lent) on your birth year was Wednesday 23 February 1977.
The date of Whitsun (Pentecost Sunday) in the year of your birth was Sunday 29 May 1977.
The date of Whisuntide in the year of your birth was Sunday 5 June 1977.
The date of Rosh Hashanah in the year of your birth was Tuesday, 13 September 1977.
The date of Passover in the year of your birth was Sunday, 3 April 1977.
The date of Mardi Gras on your birth year was Tuesday 22 February 1977.

As of 7/18/2008 5:20:38 PM EDT
You are 31 years old.
You are 374 months old.
You are 1,626 weeks old.
You are 11,386 days old.
You are 273,281 hours old.
You are 16,396,880 minutes old.
You are 983,812,838 seconds old.

Celebrities who share your birthday:

Tori Spelling (1973)	David Boreanaz (1971)	Gabriela Sabatini (1970)
Tracey Gold (1969)	Janet Jackson (1966)	Olga Korbut (1955)
Debra Winger (1955)	Pierce Brosnan (1953)	Bob Edwards (1947)
Liberace (1919)	Henry Fonda (1905)	William Seward (1801)

Top songs of 1977

You Light Up My Life by Debby Boone	Best of My Love by Emotions
I Just Want to Be Your Everything by Andy Gibb	How Deep Is Your Love by Bee Gees
Evergreen (from ‘A Star Is Born’) by Barbra Streisand	Sir Duke by Stevie Wonder
Torn Between Two Lovers by Mary MacGregor	Rich Girl by Daryl Hall & John Oates
Star Wars Theme/Cantina Band by Meco	Got to Give It Up by Marvin Gaye

Your age is the equivalent of a dog that is 4.45636007827789 years old. (You’re still chasing cats!)

Your lucky day is Friday.
Your lucky number is 6.
Your ruling planet(s) is Venus.
Your lucky dates are 6th, 15th, 24th.
Your opposition sign is Scorpio.
Your opposition number(s) is 9 & 11.

Today is not one of your lucky days!

There are 302 days till your next birthday on which your cake will have 32 candles.

Those 32 candles produce 32 BTUs,
or 8,064 calories of heat (that’s only 8.0640 food Calories!) .
You can boil 3.66 US ounces of water with that many candles.

Your birthstone is Emerald

The Mystical properties of Emerald
Though not meant to replace traditional medical treatment, Emerald is used for physical and emotional healing.
Some lists consider these stones to be your birthstone. (Birthstone lists come from Jewelers, Tibet, Ayurvedic Indian medicine, and other sources)
Agate, Chrysoprase

Your birth tree is Chestnut Tree, the Honesty
Of unusual beauty, does not want to impress, well-developed sense of justice, vivacious, interested, a born diplomat, but irritable and sensitive in company, often due to a lack of self-confidence, acts sometimes superior, feels not understood, loves only once, has difficulties in finding a partner.

There are 160 days till Christmas 2008!
There are 173 days till Orthodox Christmas!

The moon’s phase on the day you were born was waning crescent.

Wow, it’s been a busy day!

I had a job intervies - and was offered the job! Though I’m not sure if I want it. Shall have a think over the weekend.

And the 2 difficult housemates are moving out! One gave her notice in 6 weeks ago, as she’s moving in with her fiancee. And the other told me this evening he’s moving out because he can’t live with me anymore (and also ‘cos our landlord - vicar - doesn’t get things sorted). My only response was “Well, that means I don’t have to”, as I’ve already  been looking and recently went to see a place locally.

All in all, been a bit of a day!

Some small goals for the next few weeks.

• Go to a pilates class by 22 July.
• Go to St John Ambulance meeting on 22 July to see if I want to become a volunteer
• Talk to vicar about approaching Street Pastors to become involved in the new team being set up in my area
• Apply for job at Refugee Council (deadline 21 July)

I think that’s probably enough for now!

Many of you seem to be Wordle‘ing at the moment. My turn!

Check it out here.

As requested (thank you for your concern), an update.

I saw the doc on Monday. She’s referred me for CBT, which should take 4-6 weeks for them to get in touch, which considering this is the NHS, I thought it was quite swift! In the meantime, sticking with the happy pills, and go back in just under 2 weeks for a re-fill.

I am a lot brighter than I was when I saw her 2 weeks ago, which she commented on. Admittedly that day I was hyper - in the morning I’d seen the physio, busy day at work, left early for the doc, had my hair cut then dashed off to a church meeting (first one in a while and it was actually OK). I seem to be feeling more on top of things just by saying I have a problem and I can’t cope - a lot of worry has lifted (but not gone), and with (most) people reassuring me I’m not mad, I don’t feel quite so crazy.

I also have new glasses (which I need to get adjusted on my wonky ears) and have had all my hair chopped off. About 7 inches of it!

The amused face is due to my hyperactive housemate taking the photo.

I went to look at a flat last night. It was tiny - saving £100 a month is not THAT important to me. Coping a bit better in the house now, so will just keep my eye out and see if anything comes up.

Job is OK, if a little busy. I’m putting in coping strategies, and when things get really bad (and I had a moment of rising panic last week), I take a bit of time out, either food or a walk outside. Seem to have resisted the urge for cigarettes, which is good, as they only make me feel horrible after.

The wrist is healing, and I’m picking it less. Or causing less damage when I pick.

I’m also trying to find things to do to keep me busy. I’m investgating joining St John Ambulance. This weekend I’m marshalling at a charity walk.

I’m planning to start pilates next week, at the advice of both my physio and my podiatrist. Also have to spend at least an hour each day stretching and doing exercises, and the podiatrist reckons CBT would be good for pain management too.

I’m even thinking about a holiday. I mutter back in Jan/Feb about my ideal trip to Istanbul by train. I’ve found something similar. Though this could end up being an expensive trip, but 22 days exploring (very briefly) Eastern Europe and Istanbul… I’m planning, if I’m up for it, to go and talk to them about it, with a long list of questions, as they’re based withing walking distance from me. Though still rather nervous about something like that. Would still rather go with a friend. The Bank of Dad is, however, prepared to loan me some dosh to pay towards it, if I want to go, though my Mother has been sending me all the bad reviews of the company she can find on the internet. So I’ll be ‘properly informed’. Born pessimist, my mother. Which explains a lot about me!

I’m tired and need to go get some food and then head for bed. Have not been reading many blogs as have been trying to get earlier nights, and have been reading various books. Am in the middle of Perseolis, which I am enjoying. Hope to catch up properly on blogs over the weekend, but am managing to resist the need to ensure Bloglines doesn’t have any outstanding posts on it, which has been known to stress me. As does a full inbox at work (I have folders to hide emails in and try to keep the essentials and outstanding ones in my inbox - I have about 30 at the moment and am trying to contain the panic everytime I look at it!)

I think that sums it up.

“Sticks & stones will break my bones, but words will never hurt me.”

Well, that was a pile of crap (not carp, as I just wrote, though stinks just as bad!), wasn’t it? Not only do we get beaten up by others who talk us down, but we get eaten up by our own negative self-talk, and end up believing the lies, comparing ourselves to others and not living our lives to the full.

I bet you remember some of the shitty, nasty things people said. And some of the things people didn’t realise would hurt you, the labels they gave you.

“You can’t sing.” Uh, yes I can, but it’s taken me over 15 years to pluck up the courage to do so, so thanks.

“She’s the grumpy one.” she wasn’t, but life sucked and she didn’t know how to handle it at such a young age, but the label stuck, and now she IS the grumpy one, the depressed one.

I’ve been picking the burns. I get a certain amount of satisfaction from doing so. Weird, gross, I know, but there you go, that’s what I’ve done for most of my life. It will be a hard habit to break, but hopefully I’ll be able to do so, with some help.

The happy pills - Citalopram - are on Day 5. Feeling OK. I think there’s a lot of relief in being able to just say “I can’t cope - help me!” It’s like a weight has been lifted. Hopefully the happy pills will enable me to get through the next stage, working through the crappy stuff, such as why I don’t like myself, why I think I’m useless, why I don’t think people will like me, or love me, why I don’t think I deserve to meet someone. All that shit I’ve rambled on about over the last few years, which I’ve known I need to deal with, but haven’t - or wouldn’t - deal with.

Thanks, everyone, for all your supportive and encouraging comments. I’m actually feeling OK at the moment. I think I might be a little high - the pills can make you a bit hyper at first. But I think also, it’s the relief of finally, after years of struggling, holding my hands up and saying “I can’t cope!”

And the doctor has validated it. Which now gives me permission to say to people that I’m depressed, sometimes I just can’t cope and need to take a time out, or talk it through. Why it took burning myself to do that, I don’t know! Putting safety nets in after you’ve fallen off is great for when you get back up again, but would have helped if they’d been in place the first time. Still, at least they’re being set up now.

I’m also high I think from passing some of the burden over to others. The doctor is taking control of some of this. Friends are praying and being supportive. I don’t have to fight it all on my own. In fact, I don’t have to fight it at all: I just have to face it and deal with it. And with counselling, I will deal with the issues. How I get past the feeling that I’m not worthy of anything, and hence why it’s taken me so long to get help. Why I think I’m unattractive and undesirable, and that the only way to get a guy is to sleep with him. Why I beat myself up everytime I “fail” at something, or make a mistake. Why I worry endlessly about things that might never happen.

Someone asked in one of the comments what has been happening with my spiritual direction. Honestly - nothing dramatic. Just little things that help me to realise that even if I might struggle to believe (and I think I need father’s prayer of Mark 9:24 “Lord, I believe; help my unbelief!”), God is still there.

Need to try and sleep now, otherwise if I can’t, after a few nights I’m going to need to crack open my emergency diazepam. Which I’m keeping for emergencies only. Which will hopefully mean I’ll never need them!