“Dear God”

Trust

“I’m supposed to trust You, but I’m having a hard time doing so. Especially when it comes to the area of relationships.

I know I’m supposed to only rely on You, but to be brutally honest (and in doing so fear I’m risking your disapproval): You’re not here to give me a hug, to cook me dinner, to massage my feet after a long day. At this time I need something physical, tangible: someone I can touch and feel and see. I’m a tactile person.

And I have a hard time trusting You’ll bring someone into my life because I’m not sure it’s part of Your plan for me. And I’d hate for it not to be part of Your plan for me. Perhaps I’d be better off doing it alone?

Yet personal history shows I’m having no luck in that area. And I’m tired of taking chances, making moves and having them rejected. In the last week alone I’ve given out my phone number to a guy friend I like – and he’s not called, and have added one I’ve recently met as a Facebook friend – and had that rejected. There’s only so much a girl can take!

And I know I’m supposed to look to You to fulfil my needs of love, but I’m not sure I can. And I’m not sure I can ever see a time when I can. And that’s painfully, painfully difficult. Something I want so badly is just out of reach for me. It’s like the diamonds are locked away behind the glass – but I can’t see there’s glass there and keep hurting myself trying to get through it.

Lord, Father, Abba… I can’t see a way through this.”