Wrestle

This guy I work with, Biscuit, has driven me somewhat crazy today. He’s a nice guy, friendly, intelligent, funny, a little bit shy. Very opinionated, but not in an offensive way. He made sure I knew about the lunchtime curry trip when noone else had told me. And leant me the money so I could eat as there wasn’t a cashpoint on the way.

Just before leaving work he was talking with one of our colleagues (totally offensive and opinionated!) about his weekend and how trains were down over the weekend due to “some march” happening in central London.

The march is about asking G20 leaders to put people first in their decisions () If I wasn’t on training I might have thought about going. Anyway, this discussion about no trains got Biscuit and Mr Offensive onto a discussion about people who march. And weren’t particularly complimentary.

The trouble with Biscuit is that he often comes out with things that are completely polar opposite with what I believe – and I can’t tell if he’s serious or not.

I was upset by this conversation for 2 reasons:

1. He was effectively calling me what he was calling those who are marching tomorrow (I forget his wording as I was trying to suppress a certain amount of irritation). Ironically, just as he was slating this I got a text message from a friend asking me if I wanted to join her tomorrow.
2. I like him, and it’s a rather painful internal tussle. Mr Offensive I would never have this problem with because he’s so openly offensive and antagonistic I’d never like him in that way. But Biscuit is just rather lovely, and I can’t reconcile this with the side of him that seems to be polar opposite, and my feeling for him.

Strangely I was dreaming last night about the last guy I went out with and also worked with – I ended it beacause of fundamental differences, but we still got on as friends after. Was this a sign? Or just an inner working out of things in my head whilst sleeping?

I’m struggling with this as I really don’t want to like Biscuit in that way as I can only see pain ahead for me. The problem is, I keep thinking I need to burn these feelings out. Which could be all holy thoughts: let the Holy Spirit burn them out. But it’s most likely to involve me and a lighter or kettle. So far managing to keep a lid on that urge.

Babies, weddings and engagements

It seems to be a year of babies, weddings and engagements.

Must… Stay… Positive…