The deadly seven

WRATH

1. Who did you last get angry with? Really angry? That would be my housemate, the one I rant about on a fairly regular basis.
   
2. What is your weapon of choice? It would probably be my feet. I have a bit of a nasty violent streak inside me.
3. Would you hit a member of the opposite sex? Probably. Have done.
4. How about of the same sex? Probably, I’m a girl.
5. Who was the last person who got really angry at you? Housemate (see question 1).
6. What is your pet peeve? See above!
7. Do you keep grudges, or can you let them go easily? More than I should.

SLOTH

1. What is one thing you’re supposed to do daily that you don’t? the stretches my physio & podiatrist set me.
2. What is the latest you’ve ever woken up? Mid-afternoon. Usually after pulling an all-nighter, for whatever reason.
3. What is the last lame excuse that you made? Tired.
4. Have you ever watched an infomercial all the way through? We don’t really get these here.
5. When was the last time you got in a good workout? Yoga a couple of weeks ago. Seriously – muscles I didn’t know existed hurt for days after!
6. How many times did you hit the snooze button on your alarm clock today? About 7. It’s 4 on a weekday.

GLUTTONY

1. What is your overpriced yuppie beverage of choice? Innocent smoothies.
2. Meat eaters: white meat or dark meat? All things bovine!
3. What is the greatest amount of alcohol you’ve had in one sitting/outing/event? Half a bottle of tequila.
4. Have you ever used a professional diet company? Nope. And probably never will.
5. Do you have an issue with your weight? Not really. I’m lucky.
6. Do you prefer sweets, salty foods, or spicy? Sweets!
7. Have you ever looked at a small house pet or child and thought “lunch”? No way!

LUST

1. How many people have you seen naked (not counting movies/family)? Can’t remember! Oops!
2. How many people have seen YOU naked (not counting physicians/family)? If I can’t remember the answer to the above, I can hardly be expected to remember this!
3. Have you ever caught yourself staring at the chest/crotch of a member of the opposite gender during a normal conversation? Yup!
4. Have you ever kissed two people in one night? Three!
5. What is your favorite body part on a person of your gender of choice? Butt!
6. Have you ever been propositioned by a prostitute? Yes, but it was in Amsterdam.

GREED

1. How many credit cards do you own? None.
2. What’s your guilty pleasure store? Play.com, and they’re dangerous as they store your card details!
3. Would you rather be rich, or famous? Rich.
4. Would you accept a boring job if it meant you would make megabucks? It would depend on the level of boredom.
5. Have you ever stolen anything? A couple of glasses left outside a pub.
6. How many MP3s are on your hard drive? Haven’t counted. Too slothful to do so!

PRIDE

1. What’s one thing you have done that you’re most proud of? Survived this far in life!
2. What one thing have you done that your parents are most proud of? I guess my degree. Dunno really.
3. What things would you like to accomplish in your life? A ‘normal’ relationship!
4. Do you get annoyed by coming in second place? Yes! I’d rather be last than second!
5. Have you ever entered a contest of skill, knowing you were of much higher skill than all the other competitors? Mid-distance races at school sports days.
6. Have you ever cheated on something to get a higher score? Only those silly online quizzes. And an eye test when I was 8!
7. What did you do today that you’re proud of? I got out of bed and went to church. The first time in a few weeks.

ENVY

1. What item (or person) of your friends would you most want to have for your own? Anyone’s Mac Book.
2. Who would you want to go on “Trading Spaces” with? And that is what, exactly?
3. If you could be anyone else in the world, who would you be? The Doctor’s companion! (I can’t see where it says it has to be a real person!) OK, if it has to be a real person – actually, nobody.
4. Have you ever been cheated on? Yes.
5. Have you ever wished you had a physical feature different from your own? Yeah! Many times, but I’m starting to get used to myself and even be happy with what I’ve got (though back on the hair dye again – none of this ‘natural’ malarky!)
6. What inborn trait do you see in others that you wish you had for yourself? Being more patient and getting on with anyone.

Thanks to Mike for this.

A Story of Gifts – loosely based on Matthew 8

A Story of Gifts – loosely based on Matthew 8.

“Let me put it to you this way…each of those events, demands, people, expectations…each exposes a window into your inner world revealing areas that need healing and restoration. You still believe the lie that experiencing life and being in relationship with me is about your performance. Even the person who wrongs you, or the one who places an unjust burden on you, or the one who makes you feel in their debt…any of these are a gift to you, if for no other reason than they expose what you work so hard to hide.”

So, what is it about myself that I am trying to hide, that certain people stimulate anger and irritation in me?

What is it about my ever-optimistic, loud, ‘Happy Clappy’ housemate that niggles parts of me I’ve kept hidden? Is it because I don’t have that supreme confidence in God he has? Is it because I am envious he always sees the silver lining? Though I don’t think it’s all that. He is oblivous to others in some way: the volume of his singing, the way he treats our home as a hotel for his friends on occasion shows a certain amount of disrespect for those of us he is living with. His insistence that things be done HIS way, that I adjust to him: I responded with a stubborness I didn’t realise I had. Maybe that’s it as well. He brings to the fore my own selfishness, my own desire to have things done my way. Which depresses me, because I’d really like to live on my own, but can’t afford it. Or else, with others but with certain rules. Whereas here, we have to figure things out among ourselves: and he seems to ride roughshod over what I think are basic considerations for those you live with.

There’s obviously things I need to work through and perhaps I need to start praying thankfullness for him, that he is a gift that will reveal the parts of me that need changing, the selfish, stubborn parts of me.

Or maybe he’ll just move out!

Greenbelt 2008

My sanitised version for Facebook can be found on one of my blogger blogs. The bits I couldn’t talk about (because 3 out of the 4 are now Facebook friends!) are as follows:

1. I bumped into A, who I went on a few dates with last year. We caught up and went for a drink. He was right – no spark. I’m glad we met up, as it put to rest a little niggle I had, which resurfaced when I bumped into him on Friday. Plus, he’s still hunting – speed dating, singles parties – he’s looking for something, but will he ever find it?
2. Then I hunted down K. I don’t think I ever mentioned this, but last Greenbelt was a haze of tiredness, drunkenness and hangovers (with a little time to go round all the mission agencies), and in amongst all that I ended up hanging out with K as he was a nice guy, a good listener, and after all the hassle with Mr Married, and some of the other guys working at the beer tent (as I was last year) being a bit sleazy coming on to me (most of them weren’t Christians), K felt like a lifeline of sanity. And I ended up kissing him. And when we got back from Greenbelt he rang or texted every day for the first week. And I think I sort of accused him of kinda stalking me. Which I felt somewhat guilty about, and so avoided the beer tent for the first 2 days, but once I spoke to him it was such a relief. He was fine with me! Even made a joke about not stalking me – his girlfriend wouldn’t let him! And so I popped in later and hung out with the guys there – 3am Sunday and Monday nights!
3. Whilst working on the Workshop stand I met R, who, it turned out, grew up and went to school not too far from me. We had a number of frank discussions. OK, I did, which led to him being frank about things. He hung around quite a lot, as his stand was opposite mine, but he hung around quite a bit, and went home with a bit of a crush on me. In fact, he’d emailed before I’d even got home! He’s coming down to London next weekend and we’re going to meet up for a drink/meal/something. However, I need to be careful. He’s a lovely guy, but I don’t think he’s my type (but then what do I know?), so I think I need to be careful not to hurt him.
4. And finally, I, who I met on Monday. He came to the Workshop stand with a friend who’d done it. We also have 2 mutual friends (the joy of Facebook) on the Workshop team with me, but has never done it. I spent a good 30 minutes telling him why he should do Workshop, resorting to threats and bribes by the end of it. All good natured of course! Then, when I was tending bar later that night he turned up again – turns out he was a volunteer somewhere. I walked back with him and some other friends, then walked him half-way to his tent: he was lost and I was sober! By this time I could manage a whisper, which was nice after nearly 2 hours of being unable to talk!, and we had a frank (yes, I know I need to stop this!) chat which ended up in him asking for my email address. Which he promotly lost. But – again the joy of Facebook – he found me and had sent me a message not long after I got home.

So all in all a bit of an action-packed weekend. I did go with the mindset of ‘Expect anything’, and boy, did a lot happen! We shall see, however, whwat comes of any of this.

In the meantime, I’d quite like to feel well again! Though despite feeling like shite, I’m actually in a  better mood that I was when I had ‘flu before I went away. Greenbelt has enabled me to get through my second dose of ‘flu (OK, well they were probably both heavy colds, with sinusitis both times, and this time a touch of laryngitis (can’t speak properly nearly 1 week later) and possibly some bronchitis) in less than 1 month with almost a smile on my face. Greenbelt and the people there are what I need.

If only church could be like that!

Greenbelt

Off to Greenbelt. Yay!

Maybe see you there! You can find me at the flowery tent. Though I will have a selection of different hats this year, depending on the weather. This year, you won’t find me in the beer tent quite so much – I actually want to see something of the festival.

Babies

I love babies. I even don’t mind them if they puke all over me. The chances of me having any anytime soon, let alone wanting to have any, are slim.

At Uni I had 2 close friends, J & B. J’s little boy will be 3 in Feb. And it appears No. 2 will be due around then too.

B, who said she didn’t want any (I didn’t believe her), has just come back to the UK after living in Baku (Azerbaijan) for 3 years, and will be popping out a small person in about 6 weeks time.

I’m excited! Auntie Jo strikes terror into the hearts of all parents! But part of me is sad. Not because I’m childless, but because I feel left behind somewhat. They’ve both been with their husbands since their last year or two of Uni. Both have ‘vocational’ jobs (one’s a chemical engineer, the other a speech therapist) and are proper grown ups (well, I might have to slitghtly revise that!).

And here I am.

But it’s OK. Because I’m comparing myself with their lives that I wouldn’t want anyway. Sure I’d like to own a house, but I can’t on my own, and it’s a big responsibility. Sure I want a boyfriend/husband, but is now really the right time?

God has different things in store for me. Or maybe he has the same things, just at a different time and in a different way. And I can’t compare what they have with what I have and what He has in store for us all. However much I do, I know we’re not the same, and God has different plans for each one of us.

So I’m getting on with my life. The happy pills help, but they’re not the final answer. It’s going to be a challenging 12 months (and then the next, then the next, then then next, and so on).

St John Ambulance

[So much for not posting much!]

I went to my first St John Ambulance meeting this evening. There were actually 6 of us who were new (including a rather nice looking guy who happens to be a Christian, but mentioned ‘us’ a few times, though I couldn’t see a wedding ring!), which was nice to start with.

I learnt how to assess someone who has collapsed and what to do if they’re stopped breathing – CPR and mouth-to-mouth.

I shall go back next week, though it clashes with my homegroup social, but I want to get a few weeks in a row under my belt, as when homegroup starts, I’ll only be able to go once every two weeks.

I’m excited – if a little nervous – though!

PMS

This is SO me!

Music

I saw Kylie the other week. She was fabulous!

Hello

Hi! How you doing? ‘Ive been quite for a while. I’ve actually been enjoying being away from my computer more than normal – I’ve rediscovered the joy of reading books. I think I’m on my 13th in the last week and half! Which I think is a sign of recovery, as I’ve not been able to keep my concentration for a while. It’s not perfect yet, but getting there.

The doctor upped my dose 4 weeks ago, and I think I’m finally settling into the medication. I’m still waiting for my CBT referral, but have chased that up. So thinks are looking positive. I feel like my head’s out of some of the fog it was in before. I’ve even started to take on things I’ve been wanting to do for a while.

Tomorrow I’m going to visit the local St John Ambulance to see about volunteering, and I’ve just completed an application to become involved in Street Pastors in the local area. I decided it’s time to get off my butt and go out and do things, help others, stop thinking about myself so much.

Which doesn’t mean I haven’t. Been thinking about myself much, I mean. I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about what the fundamental issues are that lead to the crisis point, those which have been there for years. I’m starting to see the lies for what they are. Just not sure how to deal with them. So hopefully the CBT will help with that.

Outside of my head, work has been OK, I recently went to a Kylie concert, and one of the two difficult housemates has moved out! Which takes a lot of the pressure off.

I’m learning the trigger points and the things to avoid.

I spent the weekend with friends who have three kids. I got up yesterday at 6.30am! This morning one of my housemates woke me at 6am as he got up to go on holiday. I’m tired, so this will be a short one. I’m not sure what to say really – so unlike me! Things feel a little bit odd. But not necessarily in a bad way.

So my brief update is: I’m OK, things are happening, I’m getting more of a grip on myself now and am positive that things will change.

I will try to post again. Maybe it will become a weekly thing for a while.