Taming the beast
Decency. Modesty. Good and proper. So much is talked about what we wear and why we wear it. But so much is focused on us women. In the sense of what we wear. And what it does to men.
Particularly in Christian circles.
Why do we get so het up about what everyone’s wearing, what everyone’s doing, who we’re spending time with? I’ve picked up on another series of posts about women and modesty. They make my blood boil!
I like to wear skirts and tops and make the most of my figure. Whilst I’ve still got it.
But what makes my blood boil the most is that these men - and it’s predominantly men - write about how women must watch what they wear so as not to distract the men, yet fail to see that women can suffer in the same way.
Take today, for example. There’s a guy at work who normally dresses very ’sharp’ Suited, booted, clean-shaven. In fact, it’s part of his image, and he’s very conscious of his work image and how he projects himself. A little too concerned, I feel, but that’s a whole different story about what we value in life and work. But I digress…
Today his boss wasn’t in, he didn’t sleep so well and couldn’t find an ironed shirt. So he turned up in jeans, a T-shirt that was tight around his biceps (he’s VERY sporty) and a bit of stubble.
“Be still my beating heart!” “Calm down, dear!” The beast needed some taming. Oh boy, did it!
The thing is, as much as I like him and think he’s a nice guy, we chat about Doctor Who (the only fellow-fan at work, that I’ve found), he would drive me mad. And yet… today, give me a pint, and I would merrily have thrown all that aside and, well, maybe given it a try! (And ultimately humiliated myself.) Because it’s not just the guys who struggle daily with lust.
Let me leave you with a few gems from these blogs (which are part of a book). But before that, let me say, I get his point about what motivates dressing ‘immodestly’, be it to seek attention (guilty!) or to provoke the interest (aka lust) of a guy (also guilty!). But to focus solely on the women - and I believe church leaders do so because it’s only women who are mentioned in the Bible: but that was then, this is now, and a lot of what was written has context. Context that can be expanded upon.
So the final gems:
“Please know that I don’t write as a self-appointed critic. I am simply a concerned pastor who charitably assumes that most Christian women who dress immodestly are ignorant of the war with lust that men confront on a daily basis. They probably don’t have a clue what goes on in a man’s mind and what effect their bodies have on the eyes and hearts of men young and old. “
” I commend this young man’s tenacious fight for holiness. And I echo his gratitude to all women who choose to dress modestly—thank you a million times over. You’re truly serving your brothers in Christ by your obedience to God’s Word.”
“Godly men find modesty attractive. They appreciate women who dress with self-control and restraint. They’re grateful for women who serve them by helping them fight the temptation to lust.”
” ‘I had a vague idea that guys were more affected by sight than girls were. But I never realized how pervasive the temptation was. . . . Now, knowing a little bit of what guys go through every day, I have an ardent desire to serve my brothers in Christ. I want to make the church a haven for them.’ “
Oh come on, people, lighten up! Or not. Because it’s not just the guys who struggle, but who’s talking to us women about how to handle our lustful thoughts, or asking guys to be careful not to tempt us. Guys turning up to church in shorts often seems to be acceptable, but a healthy, athletic, tanned guy in a pair of shorts… What’s the difference?
God, it makes me so mad!
UPDATE
I found this at The Ongoing Adventures of ASBO Jesus.
Even if we assume (and this isn’t necessarily true) that men struggle more with lust on a daily basis with a visual stimulus as the feeder, I don’t think it makes sense to put the blame on women for that struggle or for men giving in to lust.
After all, men who lust can lust after fully or “properly” clothed women as well or easily find pictures (or even videos) of naked or scantily clothed women online. If men struggle so much with lust that seeing a bare midriff or cleavage line is going to make them go crazy in the loins more than a sweater or turtleneck does, then those same men have a lot more to worry about than the way women dress.
Does that mean that women should dress immodestly? Not really. But that really has more to do with professionalism than lust.
True, so true. Why are women so often blamed for men’s lusts? And you’re right, we don’t need to dress immodestly just because men should be able to control themselves. But there’s nothing wrong with a bit of cleavage now and again. Though maybe not in their faces in church.
Thanks for stopping by.
perhaps … you just got a small taste of what it is like for men … ??? … all in all if our ’spirit’ is being challenged in these areas we should attend the change The Holy Spirit desires … we are changed from glory to glory inside & outside … modesty will always win out whether in our own homes or in church society.
remember also, women are ‘wired’ differently then men … yes, it is true. what we do have in common is with God & the power of The Holy Spirit with us all.
we are spiritual beings on an earthly journey. be the change you want to see in
the world … today.
Oh, definitely got a taste… Not so small either!
Thanks for dropping by.
While we women are wired differently than men, there are women who are more “visual” than other women. I dress modestly and do my part as a woman, understanding that I have a responsibility first and foremost to God, then others and myself.
I am glad you addressed the issue with immodesty in men, because it can be a problem. I have struggled with lust myself, and thankfully with God’s help I am not struggling so much. I think much of it is maturing and gaining control of my mind also. I have gotten to a point where if I see an attractive man (especially if dressed in a immodest way), I will just look away, so I will not be so tempted. I also think that people both men and women, dress immodestly, so they can draw attention to themselves (which, bluntly, is kinda self-centered, and not Christ-centered).
Good blog
Thanks for popping by, Kristie.
I love your solution - just look away! Why is so much made of this issue? Can’t guys look away if it’s distracting them? Or are they just not mature enough? Because that’s how this arguments comes across - women must change because the poor, helpless men can’t!
You’ll be surprised to know, what with the debate about what women should wear in Islam - there are guidelines also for the dress of men [from shoulders to below knees I believe... and arms...] but of course within christianity we don’t need to worry about what men are/aren’t wearing?
So what if men are wired differently - what’s good for one should be good for all.
Thank you! I had heard that but hadn’t got around to confirming it. I actually think that’s right - there should be expectations for both men and women! But hey, we women don’t have to worry about finding attractive men’s behind distracting, do we?