Just one step at a time

I’m going to Glasgow for the week for a holiday. Just me. Got some plans and am going on a sea plane tour. Very excited!

There was something I wanted to write but I forget what it was. I guess it wasn’t that important.

When you comment on Blogger it asks you to ‘choose and identity’.

Well tonight Matthew I’m going to be smart and sassy, confident yet understanding and empathetic. Tomorrow I might be a little tired and grumpy.

But where is our identity?

Is it in our appearance? Is it in our job? Will you find it in family and friends? In social activities? In philanthropic undertakings?

Is it in our own strength?

is it in the smile you get from a guy/gal? Being star of the week at work?

Or is it in Jesus?

And if it does, what exactly does that mean?

So my chef. Well, not MY chef, but you know who I mean. All dressed up when he left work today, but I noticed a little extra weight around the middle - too much booze. And I’m hardly one to talk, with my extra few inches. And I’m certainly not criticising him for it. Or anyone else.

What struck me was my reaction to it. Which was a mild - oh, well that’s not good. I guess it made me realise how I’d seen him. He is basically testosterone on legs and I’d viewed him as a bit of totty, something good to look at (because I can’t touch).

And now he’s expanding a little I realised I wasn’t so interested in looking. Well, not in what he was wearing today.

I’m certainly not criticising a few extra pounds. My favourite boy from church has his fair share of extra pounds (and a good pair of legs I discovered this week - hot weather, shorts bring enlightenment!), but his body is not (solely) what I’m attracted to about him. It’s about him, who he is, how we get on. The chef - it’s been about his body (and his smile).

Funny that. Despite being a very visual-orientated woman (which is why I get my knickers in a twist with all the modesty stuff, because it implies only men struggle - some of the six packs I’ve seen in the park on a sunny lunch hour this week!), if I’m honest, I’m more attracted to the one who fits society’s attractiveness measures less.

Is was talking about religion over lunch with a colleague. I don’t do this often and I don’t jump in there, evangelistic guns a-blazing. Rather, I listen, try to get where they’re coming from, then pray for them. And for me in my relationship with them. Sounds like a cop-out, I know. But we’re not all born evangelists and apologists.

But the discussion -well, not really a discussion, more a diatribe (have I used that correctly?) of what he thought. Which was along the lines of if he was to follow a religion, it would probably be Islam, because at least their book was written by one guy, and they at least have rules which make sense and are good to live by. And has a huge focus on family and community.

Which made me think… the rules are what I find deeply UNattractive about Islam (well that and the suicide-bombing jihadists and the women-suppressing male leaders. But let’s not talk about the Crusades, that’s not what this post is about). The same with Judaism. But Islam has been hijacked too much for his liking - the true, original Islam is what he’d like. And he’s right. It has. In many areas, Islam has been hijacked by the prevailng culture. So much greatness came out of the early Islamic/Ottoman Empire: culture, science, the works.

Of course, Christianity’s not been hijacked, has it?! I (gently) put that point across. The incorporation of pagan/Roman/Greek ideals - the fact that in the West we celebrate Easter on a pagan feast day, not around Passover, which is when it actually happened. Christmas is another hijacked pagan feast day. Has it assimilated so much of other rituals and superstitions that Christianity has lost its own saltiness?

But there’s often an inner resistance to Christianity in the West. Apparently it’s downfall was the incorporation of materialism, individualism and capitalism, according to my colleague. You don’t say?! That and excommunication - I can’t believe people actually had the gall to do that! Because only a few centuries ago, to excommunicate someone was to say they no longer belonged to society; because society was Christendom, was the church, and to be no longer part of the church meant you had no place. You became a non-person in the eyes of society. I’m glad we’ve moved on from that.

But getting back to my point about rules: we have 2 as Christians.

1. Love God
2. Love others

Everything we do is a part of that (even though we f**k it up so often). It’s about the heart of what believe, the motivation. Not because we’re told to do so. And that’s what makes Christianity so freeing. But also, I guess, makes it look so woolly and wishy-washy. There’re no hard and fast do’s and don’t’s (other than the 10 Commandments, and we all get hung up over our neighbours ass when we talk about them) that you see in Islam. There’s been a certain amount of rhetoric over the last few years about why young men become attracted to Islam, become fundamentalistic suicide bombers. And there’s a lot to be said for an element of certainty in a world that can appear rootless, drifting and excluding to young men of a certain age and race. It can offer that family support in an age of broken families. It can offer a set of rules and codes of behaviour in a society that looks out only for Number One, and that thinks as long as you feel good about it, it’s OK.

But then there are my friends who believe in God. But that’s it. Jesus? Probably not, because He’s harder to get your head - and heart - around.

I don’t really know where I’m going with this. There’s a ‘why?’, I guess. Why do you or I believe? And a ‘what?’: what do we believe?

What & Why. What a merry pair of bedfellows they make. I think they snuggle up with Faith, because without her, they don’t make sense on her own. And that’s what people so often miss or haven’t experience.

I’m watching The Pianist. Some things consistently amaze me about humanity.

1. Our capacity for evil, for such darkness. Think German soldiers beating/shooting Jews on the spot for fun (I’m not saying they’re only ones who have done, just this film is set during World War 2); think (not too hard) genocide.
2. Our capacity for love, for self-sacrifice for others - even those we barely know - at risk of our own lives.
3. Our capacity for great beauty, for love, for creativity: for music, for art, for poetry and prose.
4. That we can be such a mix of good and evil, darkness and light, and yet be made in the image of God.
5. That God can love us so much despite our worst.

[I wanted to add a picture, but can't seem to get them into posts today.]

Boris is mayor.

BNP have a seat on the London Assembly.

God help London, because this doesn’t look good.

Decency. Modesty. Good and proper. So much is talked about what we wear and why we wear it. But so much is focused on us women. In the sense of what we wear. And what it does to men.

Particularly in Christian circles.

Why do we get so het up about what everyone’s wearing, what everyone’s doing, who we’re spending time with? I’ve picked up on another series of posts about women and modesty. They make my blood boil!

I like to wear skirts and tops and make the most of my figure. Whilst I’ve still got it.

But what makes my blood boil the most is that these men - and it’s predominantly men - write about how women must watch what they wear so as not to distract the men, yet fail to see that women can suffer in the same way.

Take today, for example. There’s a guy at work who normally dresses very ’sharp’ Suited, booted, clean-shaven. In fact, it’s part of his image, and he’s very conscious of his work image and how he projects himself. A little too concerned, I feel, but that’s a whole different story about what we value in life and work. But I digress…

Today his boss wasn’t in, he didn’t sleep so well and couldn’t find an ironed shirt. So he turned up in jeans, a T-shirt that was tight around his biceps (he’s VERY sporty) and a bit of stubble.

“Be still my beating heart!” “Calm down, dear!” The beast needed some taming. Oh boy, did it!

The thing is, as much as I like him and think he’s a nice guy, we chat about Doctor Who (the only fellow-fan at work, that I’ve found), he would drive me mad. And yet… today, give me a pint, and I would merrily have thrown all that aside and, well, maybe given it a try! (And ultimately humiliated myself.) Because it’s not just the guys who struggle daily with lust.

Let me leave you with a few gems from these blogs (which are part of a book). But before that, let me say, I get his point about what motivates dressing ‘immodestly’, be it to seek attention (guilty!) or to provoke the interest (aka lust) of a guy (also guilty!). But to focus solely on the women - and I believe church leaders do so because it’s only women who are mentioned in the Bible: but that was then, this is now, and a lot of what was written has context. Context that can be expanded upon.

So the final gems:

“Please know that I don’t write as a self-appointed critic. I am simply a concerned pastor who charitably assumes that most Christian women who dress immodestly are ignorant of the war with lust that men confront on a daily basis. They probably don’t have a clue what goes on in a man’s mind and what effect their bodies have on the eyes and hearts of men young and old. “

” I commend this young man’s tenacious fight for holiness. And I echo his gratitude to all women who choose to dress modestly—thank you a million times over. You’re truly serving your brothers in Christ by your obedience to God’s Word.”

“Godly men find modesty attractive. They appreciate women who dress with self-control and restraint. They’re grateful for women who serve them by helping them fight the temptation to lust.”

” ‘I had a vague idea that guys were more affected by sight than girls were. But I never realized how pervasive the temptation was. . . . Now, knowing a little bit of what guys go through every day, I have an ardent desire to serve my brothers in Christ. I want to make the church a haven for them.’ “

Oh come on, people, lighten up! Or not. Because it’s not just the guys who struggle, but who’s talking to us women about how to handle our lustful thoughts, or asking guys to be careful not to tempt us. Guys turning up to church in shorts often seems to be acceptable, but a healthy, athletic, tanned guy in a pair of shorts… What’s the difference?

God, it makes me so mad!

UPDATE

I found this at The Ongoing Adventures of ASBO Jesus.

What do I want in a man? I’ve been thinking about this over the last few days. Do I really know?

Thinking about Church Boy (CB). What is it about him that I like? Now I’ve got past the obsession, what about him attracts me. Or is it just because we’re comfortable friends and can pretty much talk about anything?

But I (slightly squiffily) told him a few weeks ago that he’d spoiled all other guys for me. So I need to try to narrow it down. Just to get it a bit clearer in my head. What is it?

He’s strong in his faith So many of my friends have compromised, are with guys who either don’t believer or nominally believe, and I’ve seen how it changes their beliefs, changes their priorities, keeps them away from church, from fellowship, from community.

He’s musical Shallow, I know, but he plays a mean guitar, drums like a dream and has a voice I could melt away to! But… I love music, so that’s a good thing. Though he works in music, which means irregular working.

He’s intelligent I don’t mean he’s an intellectual boffin, but he likes to learn and likes to talk about it.

He’s honest Tells it like it is. Doesn’t play games.

He’s a good listener He likes to talk, but he’ll also listen.

He’s encouraging If I can ever pin him down for that long-promised guitar lesson!

It’s not all about him He knows life is bigger than just him, and when he’s committed to something/someone, gives his all. He’s given a lot to the church over the last year, and it’s cost him. Big time.

He’s funny I don’t always get his humour, and I sometimes think he can be childish (what man can’t?), but he’s funny. And can see the black humour in things, which sometimes is needed.

I can’t think of anything else concrete. I think a lot of it is because we know each other so well, we’ve been through a lot (church-wise) together and have seen the best - and worst - of one another.

It’s just a real shame he doesn’t like me in that way. Ah well. There must be something better to come. Whatever shape or form - or not - that comes in.

Open book

I’m an open book,
with a technicolour cover
that tells it all.
No mystery,
no intrigue,
nothing to catch a reader’s eye,
nothing to make them want
to find out more
about the story inside.
[Sleeping Daisy]

I think I share too much. More than I should. It’s not just about me - when I talk about how I feel, I’m talking about someone else too. There’s another involved. And it’s all very well sharing with the anonymity of blogging. But offline…

“If one partner doesn’t know whether they can trust the other, they will not share certain things. And these may be the kinds of things that if there were trust, would bring them together.

Is this between you and me,

or you, me, and your friends?

Because that is going to change how much I tell you,

how much I let you in,

how much I trust you with,

how much I give to you.

How naked I get with you.

Is this argument between you and me,

or between you and me and whoever you are going to tell about it?

Is this quirky habit of mine something I let you see because I know you love me no matter what, or is this something you will entertain our friends with at a party?

How safe are you?”

Sex God, Rob Bell

I’m not sure I’m very safe.

I need to work on that, as it won’t do me any favours in the long run. And has the potential to cost me dearly.

But as a processor, how do I work through my problems without sharing?